Well, the good news is that those “areas of concern” on my right side appear to be a bunch of cysts. The bad news is that the cancer on my left side is more extensive than they originally thought. Looks like my choice of lumpectomy or mastectomy is off the table. Mastectomy it is.
Since my last posting, it has come to my attention that we have this awesome cancer center in Tampa. Why not utilize it, right? I think I want a second opinion. So first I call my insurance and make sure that’s covered. While I am cruising my insurance policy online, I get a glimpse of my outstanding claims. Holy smoke. It is already buckets of money and I see that I got charged twice for MRIs. Now granted I had two MRIs but supposedly I had to get the second one because the machine messed up. Uh, is that my $8000 fault? I mention this to a friend of mine and he says, “Oh yeah, you will probably need to hire someone, a like consultant person, to get the billing straightened out. We did that with my wife’s illness and it saved us like $50,000.” I’m sorry. Say what?
Anyway, a second opinion is covered. So I call them to set up an appointment for a second opinion. No problem, nice lady (and my new best friend) says- Just get all your records sent over. Get the paper faxed to this number. Get the film mailed to this address, and get the slides sent to this address. So I drive around town, signing release forms, and submitting requests. There is a problem with the slides, however. My biopsy samples were sent to two labs (for two opinions on the pathology). Neither lab can locate my slides. So I got my patient care nurse harassing the lab. I got my new cancer center best friend harassing the lab. I’m harassing the lab. All this got me thinking. It got me thinking about nice little old ladies that don’t have someone to advocate for them. Gave me an idea…
When all this is over, I’m going to start a consulting business. Let’s call it “Rent a Bitch Agency.” Our services will include hiring out experts to fuss at others on your behalf. We can even have branches. There will be a patient advocacy branch of course, and one for medical records (need that one asap). We’ll have a branch for medical billing since there is a documented market for that. You know, we could really expand this thing, say have a branch for parents, too. You could rent a bitch to negotiate your kid’s education plan with the guidance counselor. (I would totally work in this area. I’d be a great “bitch” for that.) Parents could rent a bitch to heckle the soccer coach- “Come on, coach, it isn’t like you guys are winning, and little Johnny paid $45 to play just like the rest of them!” I’m telling you that this idea will make me millions. Maybe even enough to pay all my medical bills.
This is a great idea, Anna! My mom and I thought of a similar one a couple of years ago called "Rent a Yankee" - but your name would have national appeal!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and your family. You are AWESOME.
XOXO
Jessica
Could I love you more???? Anna, your sense of humor is amazing!! I know this is a very hard time in your life. I have seen people who found out they had this horrific thing called "breast cancer" and started dying from the momement they got the news. Fortunately, there were people like my mom, cousin's, grandmother and great aunts who had your fantastic attitude!!! You have soooooo much to fight for:):)
ReplyDeleteI would LOVE to be a rent a bitch. I could be the bitch to help those address any areas there was a need! I think I am most prepared to work as a bitch to get folks into college who face obstacles with offices that lose transcripts that were hand delivered and finacial aid inforamtion that may be missing a comma, but I could be a health care/get it right bitch, too. Actually, it sounds so appealing, Anna, I'm willing to be a rent a bitch to cover any expenses you need-- and it sounds like a fun! When do we start?
ReplyDeleteGetting paid to be a bitch, sign me up!!!! Although my students already think I get paid for this :).
ReplyDeleteI am sending you my resume! It is a calling really:) xoxo
ReplyDeleteLOL! I wanna work for you! I would like to be the bitch that organizes all the other bitches in their areas of expertise...the bitch of bitches...hahahaah! Sounds like a fabulous job! Sign me up!!!
ReplyDeleteHey, I'm retired. I'll be ready by that time - I can truly bitch at people especially over something like this.
ReplyDeleteI volunteer for Rent an Asshole. I actually treasure these moments. I am the guy that actually likes buying a car because of the haggling. I calle directv last week and knocked $100 off my bill just because. I told a new gym who wanted $349 to join I would pay $199 for the whole year for my family an would give them cash now to do it. DOne. And there is nothing I enjoy more than pointing out the ineptitude of BCBS at every available opportunity. Anna, kudos to you. Hate that you have I deal with it. Stay feisty.
ReplyDeleteI would like to work at "Rentabitch Agency"
ReplyDeleteI am equal to the task.
I always think I am right and I repeat myself until the other side is worn down.