Yesterday was a great day. It was one of those memory days. You know, years from now when my kids think of their family, they will think of this day. My oldest son had a small awards ceremony in a beach town. We toured a beautiful college campus, went to his ceremony, took ridiculous amounts of photos and then checked in at a beach hotel. We swam in the pool. We walked on the beach. We ate a delicious gourmet dinner and got ice cream later. We swam some more. Everyone was so happy. Later, at night, when we went for our final 9pm swim in the pool, Caleb asked me to race him underwater. When I told him I didn’t want to get my head wet because of my scarf, he told me to just take the scarf off. His words, “Mom, nobody cares if you wear something on your head. Nobody even cares.” That was a great moment. Another was when Levi commented walking down the beach, “I’m glad I won that award so we could have this great day.” Modest one, that kid.
Caleb’s comment about my bald head got me thinking. Here I thought cancer had robbed me of something, stripped me of my true identity. It turns out though that my family has always seen the same me. Cancer has allowed me to truly seize the day- to take insane photos of my kid getting a certificate, to relish a late night swim, to savor that scoop of mint chocolate chip. Thank you, cancer.
I am in such a good mood that I am not even dreading tomorrow, chemo day. They graciously moved it a day later for me so I could have my mini-vacation. It’s okay though. While I am looking on the sunny side, I am going to think of all the good things this situation has delivered to me.
1. I get ridiculous amounts of mail and mostly, this is a good thing. I will single handedly keep the United States Postal Service in business. Every day I open my mailbox, I get a few medical bills, yes, but I also always get a few get well cards. I have been saving all my cards and get well letters in a box. Someday, when this over, I will make a collage or something of all the sentiments. For now, I just open the box periodically and marvel at all the people that love me. Thank you, cancer.
2. Last year around this time, I was visiting Jenny Craig every week and buying overpriced, reduced calorie frozen food. Last week, when my old Jenny Craig lady called to see if I wanted to start the program again, I was able to tell her, nope. I vaguely told her that I was able to lose that final fifteen pounds “on my own.” I am down the weight and my foobs look perky. Thank you, cancer.
3. Because I am spending every week in the cancer center getting several hours of chemo, I get a lot of reading time. I am very up to date on ALL the latest magazines. The cancer center has them all, too. I also have been able to watch lots and lots of Netflix. Thanks to cancer, I have watched some great television that I might have otherwise missed including Samantha Who, Downton Abbey, Hot in Cleveland and most seasons of Lost. That is $8 a month well spent.
4. Because of all the meals my friends have so graciously prepared and delivered to me, I now have an insane amount of Tupperware. I also have some great cooks as friends.
5. Chemo makes you super dry. For the first time in my life, I have actually been through entire tubes of lip balm. I don’t like wasting things so for whatever reason, this makes me very happy. For all you friends that gave my Burt’s Bees and the like, I used them all completely. Thank you! AND I now know my signature scent is peppermint. (Not Chanel No. 5 or something from Estee Lauder…just peppermint). I have always wanted a signature scent.
6. Because of cancer, I have met some fabulous people. From my doctors to survivors to fellow patients, I have connected with people that I might never have known. I used to ride by all those medical buildings and wonder who goes in there. Now I know. I go there and so do some wonderful people with their loved ones and magazines and crocheted hats. I am so much more aware now of other people…so much more compassionate. Thank you, cancer.
Last night, my family all slept very tightly in a hotel room in two queen beds. I loved it. I loved having Ken so close. I loved being able to watch my boys sleep. In a weird way, we have been lucky. If cancer hadn’t entered our lives, I might not know how much my husband loves me. I am in awe of his great big heart. There are nights that I fall asleep holding his hand and when I wake, he is still holding my hand. I am calling my parents more often. We are taking the time to really talk to each other. I am so conscious of all the love and support I get from my friends and family every day.
I’m so silly. Cancer didn’t take away “Anna” at all. It unveiled me and has revealed to me this wonderful world. So there’s the silver lining. Let’s see if I am still celebrating cancer tomorrow…
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